Brené Brown suggests that blame is a way of discharging anger. When we’re listening to someone and attempting to figure out who’s to blame then we are not truly listening with empathy. But according to Brown, empathy is not scripted. There is no formula for it.
Empathy is about being present and fully engaged without our protective armor. Empathy involves first making friends with ourselves—listening to our own feelings and needs, with compassion and understanding—and then extending that to others.
Here’s a lighthearted video on the topic.